Friday, January 25, 2008

Mr. Yuk for Prez

A half-score of years ago, our forefathers brought to this great nation a beginning. A beginning of something great: Letterboxing. Though nigh ten years have passed since the first box twas placed in the fair woodland beauty of the United States, we have seen letterboxing expand and take on realms new and varied, while still remaining true to it’s roots.

I ask you, gentle citizen, would you have this pastime destroyed, torn asunder at it’s very core by vagabonds and ne’er-do-wells. I say no, you wouldn’t. But that very thing is what will happen if you hand the presidency to one of the current “candidates.”

Wassamatta_u? There’s a lottamatta. For one, he has shown a degree of joviality not fitting of a president. Would you want our foreign relations further strained by a Chaplainesqe prankster in his underwear? You would not. Additionally, wassamatta_u is a MOOSE! A moose with a squirrel fetish no less. Who knows what kind of secret signals he receives with those antlers (antennas?) of his.

Team New Hampshire? NAY! I say. Team New Hampshire’s lead man is a modern day Fagin, arming roving bands of delinquents with cooties to trouble the carry-alls, pouches, and bags of many-a-letterboxer. Would you give more power to a man with an army of urchins already at his command, his every beckon call?

MaineKokopellian. I will cite Wikipedia here:

Kokopelli is a fertility deity, usually depicted as a humpbacked flute player (often with a huge phallus and feathers or antenna-like protrusions on his head), who has been venerated by some Native American cultures in the Southwestern United States. Like most fertility deities, Kokopelli presides over both childbirth and agriculture. He is also a trickster god and represents the spirit of music.

Among the Hopi, Kokopelli carries unborn children on his back and distributes them to women (for this reason, young girls often fear him). He often takes part in rituals relating to marriage, and Kokopelli himself is sometimes depicted with a consort, a woman called Kokopelmana by the Hohokam and Hopi.

‘nuff said.

There is also a fourth candidate, and while I will not choose to cast disparaging remarks at a 10 year old, I would also not choose one to lead me into the future.

What do I offer?

1. I pledge I will contact Heritage Mint directly and not only get them to NOT discontinue the very popular sandwich size of lock-n-lock, I will use my leverage to get them to produce, a smaller, flatter, rectangular size, which this candidate think would be very nice.
2. I will drink beer at least three times per week.
3. I will send ready-made letterboxes to the first ten requesters, so they may plant them as they wish.
4. I will start a national letterbox reclamation committee, designed to bring back historical letterboxes in all areas of the country.
5. I will shower each and every day, except for Sundays, and if I am camping or hiking overnight.

I’m Mr. Yuk, and I’m running for President.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Haha!! That was awesome!

♥ Lady Lilac

Marissa Dupont said...

SEND ME A LETTERBOX TO PLANT, please oh please!

However, do not consider my request an endorsement. Despite your reluctance to allow a ten-year-old to rule our country, I regret to inform you that our country is currently being ruled by one who has the brain of someone MUCH younger than ten. And MR. FORD SIMMS a.k.a. SOLAR FLAIR has the brain of someone MUCH older than ten. And definitely the brain of someone much older than someone with the brain of say... Maine Kokopellian. :D

SOLAR FLAIR FOR PRESIDENT!

six stars said...

I, too, would love for you to send me a box to plant and they would most likely end up in close (less than 10 miles apart?) proximity if you sent one to both of us!
No one will get my vote 'til the very end!

six stars

Anonymous said...

As a citizen in this great state of New Hampshire, I must say that I will only give my vote to someone who I have met in person. Stumping here is a long valued tradition. That would lead me to vote for Mr. Team NH and his merry band...
However, having been a victim of the devious actions of he afore-mentioned band...
I may settle for a letterbox in lieu of a handshake...
Mrs. V of "The Vs"

Anonymous said...

LOL! Very informative and amusing. I am still undecided, but leaning toward Solar Flair. I would however love a letterbox to plant if your handing them out :)

-OrbitalMom

Anonymous said...

Another candidate has declared for the Presedency. Now this is getting interesting...

At this time I feel I must reserve judgement, as yet, about whom may receive my vote. The platform and policies promulgated thus far by Mr. Yuk are intriguing.

However, I think an examination of an example of his work will most assuredly facilitate my decision. I await one of your letterboxes, sir.

Connfederate

Anonymous said...

You get my vote Mr. Yuk. The swing decision was the No. 2 offer. Here Here!!! I'm ready to vote NOW!!