It is with heavy heart that I have to post this, but I suppose you cannot lead a political life without a few skeletons bone-dancing out of your closet. The first, in this candidate’s campaign, came on the heels of me announcing my interest in running for the position of first LB President.
Yesterday, prolific carver and all-around wonderful boxer Dale End Farm posted the following message on the AQ boards regarding my personage:
http://www.atlasquest.com/boards/message.html?gMsgId=180291
Now, Santa usually puts coal in the stockings of individuals who have been bad the previous year. Let’s just say that Santa is doing something MUCH worse on my Christmas LTC.
What most people do not understand is that the qualifications for whether you have been “BAD” or “GOOD” is an arbitrary system decided on by Santa himself! And Santa, gentle reader, holds grudges!
It March of this year, it will be four years since the start of my ongoing feud with Santa (which is an anagram for Satan, mind you) started. Though I wish we could make amends and bring an end to this sad state of affairs, Mr. Kringle chooses to continue to harass and intimidate my family.
On that chilly morning in March of 2004, I awoke to a crunching sound, reverberating the house to-and-fro. Concerned as to what could be making such a noise (squirrels in the rafters?), I got out of bed and searched the house. The crunching continued, but a source could not be found. So I put on my boots, hiked up my flannel pajamas, and walked into the yard. Glancing up to the eaves of my roof, I was startled to see a deer (very unlike the whitetails we have in PA) perched on my shingles!
Upon regaining my balance, I shouted up to the deer “Ahoy there, come down from my gambrels this moment!” To my surprise, in one agile bound, the deer floated through the air and landed lightly on the lawn in front of me. While backing up in shock, the deer looked me in the eyes and said:
“Do not be alarmed, sir! It is merely I, Comet, looking for a place to rest from my wanderings!”
At this, I tripped over a brick at the border of my herb garden, fell over backwards, and hit my head upon the northwest corner of my home.
*fades to black*
To be continued!
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